Communicating Well with Others

Communicating Well with Others

As children, most of us have been taught to play well with others. As working adults, most of us have been to numerous classes on how to communicate well with others. One of the most searched out topics, on the internet, is How to Effectively Communicate.

So what is ‘effective’ communication?

Words can have so many different degrees of meaning. Looking up a word’s origination helps me understand it better. In other words, who said it first, and what did it mean, then?

The word "communication" is derived from the Latin word communicare, which means "to make common." If communication means to make common, then the message being communicated needs to be said in a way, that everyone can understand.

One of the surest ways to be certain that everyone understands what’s being relayed, is for everyone to take a part in the communication process, the person speaking, and the person listening.

For going on 25 years, I’ve taught adults how to use computers. Early on, when the Windows operating system, first came out, I had the fun opportunity to help adults change, from using the keyboard, to using the mouse. As I started, one of my very first classes, I began explaining what each computer device was used for, that is the mouse, the keyboard, monitor, etc. As soon as I had paused, a class participant raised her hand, and shouted, “I can’t figure out how to get this ‘foot pedal’ thing, to work!” I realized she was talking about the mouse. She thought it was some kind of dictation machine, activated with the foot. It was funny to me, but I also realized that she had completely tuned me out, during my explanation on how to use the mouse.

What keeps us from hearing correctly?

The noise and distractions, and lack of privacy around us, are more obvious reasons, why we might not hear correctly.

Mostly, I think message distortions happen because of the existing history we may have had with the person communicating with us.  We can so easily misunderstand someone’s motives and goals, when we don’t trust them.

During a verbal exchange, 7% of the message is communicated verbally and 93% is communicated non-verbally. Of the 93% being transmitted non-verbally, 38% is through vocal tones and 55% is through facial expressions.*

^*Mehrabian,
A. (1981). Silent messages: Implicit communication of emotions and attitudes. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth (currently distributed
by Albert Mehrabian, am@kaai,CQm

There's more to being a good listener than just making eye contact.

Effective Listening

Listening is different from hearing, because it involves a conscious effort to understand; we choose to listen, or not to listen.

The keys to listening are silence and concentration.

As we communicate, how can we help our listeners?

If you think about your own experiences, it's usually the non-verbal messages that we tend to believe. Words can be manipulated, and scripted, but body language is hard to control.

So what’s verbal, and non-verbal, communication?

Messages can be communicated by the way we walk, talk, stand, and sit. Verbal communication is the actual words that are spoken, or written. Remember: Even though only 7% of a message is communicated verbally, that is still a critical 7%.

Non-verbal communication includes both vocal elements, and body language. (Focal Elements include: Tone, Pitch, Rhythm, Loudness, and Inflection)

Non Verbal communication is also referred to as ‘Body Language’

Body language includes:

Eye Contact

Eye contact shows that you are interested. Looking down may be interpreted as rejection, and staring can mean dislike. Avoiding eye contact shows insecurities.

Facial expressions

Facial expressions including, smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, yawns, and sneers, may be misunderstood.

Gestures

There are more nerves between the brain, and the hands, than any other part of the body. A clenched fist means a person is frustrated. Hands that slightly move, or hang at a person's side, usually mean the person is confident. If the hands are overly active, the person looks nervous, and uneasy.

Posture and Body Orientation

Standing and leaning forward looks like we’re interested in what’s being said. Turning our back, or looking at the floor, communicates the opposite.

To communicate well

To be able to communicate well with others, involves both our speaking, and listening skills. Understanding that we can’t control the goals or motives of others, we must realize we can keep our goals and motives in check so that we can more effectively communicate.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29)

Hundreds of years before Paul wrote his letter, King David wrote a proverb about listening, “Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” (Proverbs 18:13). The Bible is filled with insights based on hundreds of years of history about men, and women, seeking, finding, and living out their faith in a holy, living, God. What an incredibly valuable resource!

CHECK THIS OUT!

Communication blunders

These statements were actually sent to insurance companies:

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."

"I was on the way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident."

"I had been shopping for plants and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision."

"I had been driving my car 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."